Common problems after the Wedding
Never forget that a wedding is only the start of a lifelong commitment, which is the marriage. And it’s not all peaches and roses. A life together can have its ups and downs, and often, the downs cause a weakly-founded couple to split. But downs should be part of the marriage life, because that’s what they got married for – to go through the downs together, teaming up to support each other (that’s why in the marriage vows, it’s said, through good or bad, through thick or thin, for better or for worse). There are some things the couple may have differences on, so they have to communicate about these issues and see how they can best handle it.
Money – Studies of divorces state that the most common reason couples call it quits is money. It’s reasonable, since money is a source of things people need every day. Some people believe money is a source of power, so each half of the couple wants to hold on to the power. But it’s more than that; it’s actually security. Knowing this, married couples should be aware of the effect of money on them. As the Biblical saying goes, the love of money can be a root of evils, so be on your guard against this problem.
Infidelity and jealousy – Perhaps some people know that in the Philippines, as affairs seem very commonplace in Filipinos society. Filipino politicians are known to have it, but even the poorest of the poor have had their own dalliances. There are one-night stands, internet relationships and visits to prostitution centers. Couples should enter marriages not laughing this off, but accepting that it can happen to them as long as one partner lowers their guard.
Sexual problems – Yes, it does hit some relationships. Sometimes, when one of the couple doesn’t feel like it, and fails to get stimulated, the other partner can get angry about it. It can also be a result of sexual preferences – as in, the particular methods or games the way the couple gets sex. It’s best to know each other’s sexual preferences and sexual dysfunctions even before the marriage, so they can figure out how to handle it.
Values and Beliefs – Belief does split people apart. It happens to ordinary people over religion. Don’t think that “love conquers all” every time. And oh yes, even politics can be an issue. Beliefs don’t just cover religious and political areas. Even basic beliefs about everyday life. For example, if you encounter a child beggar on the streets, one may insist on giving, while the other insists that it’s wrong to do so – that could heat up too. It’s better to marry some whose values and beliefs are close to yours.
Different life stages and mentalities – This usually happens with couples who have wide age gaps. People at different age ranges can have widely different mentalities. One is more serious, the other wants more play, and this can lead to disagreements. They can have different pursuits, and if they believe the spouse cannot give what they seek, then they can drift away. That is why it is advised to marry someone who is in the same life stage as you, since you can grow in it together.
Traumatic situations and Stress – Trauma could get in the way of a healthy relationship. As some families with a military veteran spouse would relate, the effects of trauma could weigh down on their relationship. Sometimes, one partner did not reveal that they have a trauma they carry, which would put further strain. Some partners also may not know how to handle the trauma of their partner, which is a serious handicap. This is a demonstration of a marriage where the couple has not accepted that it’s for worse as well as better, and thus they are ill-equipped to deal with difficulty or trauma when it comes. This also goes for stress. Couples encounter stress everyday, and if they are ill-equipped to handle it, they may let it destroy their relationship. It is best to talk about how to handle stress and trauma, so the couple may be prepared for future occurrences of them.
Boredom – Yes, boredom can be a serious factor that ruins marriages. Boredom could also be a symptom. The couple must ask, why are they bored? Could it be that one of them has lost interest in the relationship? Or one or both has not found what they are seeking from the relationship? Thus, being bored in the relationship is not to be taken lightly, although partners are advised not to get angry upon learning that their partner is bored. This also needs communication, so that the couple can address their boredom.